I have often said that I learned how to love while working in orphanages in South America. So, I thought I would explain what I mean by that. I had always wanted to travel and serve somewhere in this way. So, in early 2007 I finally decided to just do it! So I found a group that I felt comfortable with and I signed up. I was so excited to go. I look back through my journal and find entries from that year that simply say "85 DAYS TILL I LEAVE!!!!" I don't know that I have ever been so excited for something before. But then, the day before I left, I realized that my goals had somehow changed over the months. I was more excited to travel and see somewhere new than I was to serve the children. I was really bothered by this. Originally, my only goal had been to serve and I wanted that feeling back. So, I prayed.
I prayed like I had never prayed before in my life. I begged and pleaded for that desire back. I wanted to want to serve. As I prayed and talked with my parents, I felt at peace about my decision to go. I trusted that the Lord approved of my decision and so I knew that my trip would work out for my benefit, and for the benefit of the children that I was to serve.
The next day I left for South America. When I arrived at the city that I was to serve in I was suddenly terrified. I couldn't believe that I actually thought I could do this. I couldn't speak a word of Spanish beyond "hola," how was I possibly supposed to help these children when I couldn't even speak to them? I remember riding in the bus to the first orphanage and hoping that we would get in a car accident so that I wouldn't have to face my failure.Obviously we did not crash and I arrived at the orphanage safe and sound. I walked into the cafeteria and this little girl, around five years old, ran up to me, gave me a hug, and said "you're my friend" and that was it! I was hooked. I was suddenly filled with the most powerful feeling I have ever experienced. I loved that little girl so much! And even more amazing, I loved all the children in that orphanage and the children at all the other orphanages I was going to serve at. I loved them more than I ever remember loving someone.
The love that I felt for those children didn't come from me. I didn't even know them; I didn't even know their names. Yet somehow, I loved them. I was filled with God's love for them. I suddenly understood this scripture found in The Book of Mormon:
"But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love."
-Moroni 7:47-48
Charity is Christ's love. It is how He and Heavenly Father feel about each of us. And I can tell you it's a powerful feeling. God loves those children, He loves you, and He loves me! There was one point while I was in South America when I allowed my anger at the situation my kids were in to overpower that great feeling of love. For a whole day I lost that feeling. It was the worst day of the 2 months that I was there. I couldn't work; I couldn't help them that day. Everything that I had done a million times before was suddenly beyond me. And I understood this scripture:-Moroni 7:46
Charity gave me power to help those children and without it, I was nothing. Ever since that experience I always want to testify of charity. I understand it now. It's made me who I am and it's given me power. That feeling is one of the greatest blessings that I have ever received from the Lord. And "for as long as I shall live, I will testify of love!"
